...I was in the most pain I've ever experienced. And yet, in a matter of seconds it was over and all I felt was utter and complete joy as I looked into my brand new baby's face. Amazing. A part of me, a part of the man I love. All wrapped up into one tiny little fragile package. I remember the very moment Kaytlin came into the world. Counting her fingers and toes, touching every feature of her petite little face. I had never believed in love at first sight...until that very moment. When she came out and the doctor placed her on my tummy, I couldn't help but kiss her over and over (hubby was a little grossed out that I didn't wait until they cleaned her off, but I could have cared less! Love is blind, ya know!)
I'll never forget the drive home. I was terrified. In the hospital I had all these wonderful nurses who would help and instruct me how to care for her. But on the way home it hit me....I'm responsible for this life. And not just responsible for keeping her alive. Responsible for her safety, her health, her security, her stability. I remember working myself up into a good cry in the days following. Those thoughts that stem from my own insecurities....what if I can't be the mother she needs me to be? What if she grows up and can't stand me? What if, what if.......? Fortunately I have a husband who is my rock. He helps me see the realistic side of things, and keeps me grounded. And even better....he carries no hormonal imbalances in his body! And he was able to reassure me that we'd make it just fine.
And through the past 10 years we have made it. Of course there have been times that have left me questioning my sanity...but we've made it. And the one, most important thing I have learned in the past 10 years of parenting is this: As humans we are never done growing and changing. My children have taught me far more about life than I can ever teach them. I can honestly say that I am not the same woman I was 10 years ago when I brought forth my little girl into the world. Thank the Lord! And ten years from now, I will not be the same woman I am today. Hallelujah!! Life is about continual change and (hopefully for most) improvement. I have had to ask my children to be patient with me...because as they are learning how they ought to be as little children, I am also still learning how to be a parent. My children are far from perfect, and so am I. But, thankfully, the Lord is continuing to teach us all as a family...and by His grace we'll make it through the next decade as well!
It sure has been a wonderful 10 years...amazing how those little baby girls turn into young ladies. All in the blink of an eye. Happy birthday, Kaytlin....
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