To Be Perfectly Honest...

Warning: this post contains a whole lot of randomness. Just sayin'.

I am exhausted. Can I just be blunt? And a little bit honest while I'm at it? I'm a bit overwhelmed today. And tired. Oh, so tired.
The exhaustion has little to do with lack of sleep. The boys are better behaved during the night...waking just once to eat. To which we are eternally grateful.  No, the roots of this kind of exhaustion go deep down into what's otherwise known as "raising five children". Yup...I asked and prayed for each and every bit of it. Well, with the exception of conceiving twins...that was just an added bonus, if you will. God looking down at me and giggling. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Just simply stating some facts. This is the brutal, honest truth of what life looks like at the present. Pure mental fatigue. Constant doing and doing. Continual rhythm. Feed, diaper, wash, pump, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. (That's my recent mantra.) All the while being a prisoner to my own home. And I know it won't always look this way. It's but a moment in time. That's why I choose to not get discouraged. Besides, I don't have time to. Just typing this blog entry eats away precious moments of my time. Things that used to be ordinary and routine have now become luxuries. Some that I cannot afford. Such as weeding the garden. It has completely gone gangbusters on me. Grass and weeds have secretly taken over. Okay...well, not so secretly. I have tried desperately the past two days to play catch-up on it, only to be beckoned inside by my needy babes. And so, I've rerouted my plans and made new ones. I now pay the girls fifty cents per ice cream-bucket-full of weeds they can bring me. Desperation smiles its fortune onto my girlies. They're quite happy about helping out and making money. Well, more the making money part. It's a win-win situation, actually. All parties involved are made happy. Except for the fact that it's noon and I'm down five bucks already. Hmm....should have pushed for 25 cents....lesson learned for next time.

Which leads me to another random topic. My girlies are growing before my eyes. I feel as though I can barely keep up. They're rapidly turning into little ladies. Pre-teens. Almost teens. Young women. (When did I have time to blink?!) Lots o' happenings with them as of late. Lots of changes and stages and growth. Lots of deep grown-up talks and teachings. Which leaves me in quite an emotional state. Coming to grips with life changes and the reality of learning what the beginning stages are of letting go. The road yet untraveled. Uncharted territory for them and I. (Shouldn't there be some sort of handbook for this stuff?) I feel ill-equipped and unprepared. But, alas, life continues on.
My belly is rumbling. When was the last time I ate? I forget. Shouldn't I be back down to a size 6 by now? With all the stair-climbing I'm doing to put the boys down/get them back up, I think so. And my arms? They always feel shaky and wobbly like Jell-O. Muscles in the making thanks to two hefty little men. What smells like sour milk? Oh, yah...that would be me. I should probably change my shirt. But....nah. Did I shave my armpits this morning? Yesterday? This week? Maybe I should post a chart for that sort of thing in the bathroom. Holy Hannah my bladder's gonna burst. I should stay more on top of that probably. But time is precious, so I'll multi-task that alongside of making a grocery list. (Mental note...put note pad and pen by the toilet.) Can hot dogs be considered part of a healthy balanced diet? Does ketchup count as a fruit group? I really need to learn the art of napping with my eyes open while doing dishes. And did I mention how much I miss the great outdoors? Every time I attempt to show these boys my passion for fresh air, they squint their eyes up tightly and grimace. They're not quite ready to face the sun. Someday. Sigh.
If you're reading, Ma-In-Law, you just may want to cover your eyes for the next part. I did the unpardonable sin of running out of toilet paper last week. My poor girlies had to use tissues until Hubs came to the rescue and remedied the problem. In the midst of my grocery shopping chaos (with five children, might I add) I had forgotten to pick up toilet paper that particular week. It made it as far as the grocery list, but somehow managed to be overlooked when I happened upon the sweet ice cream sale. Priorities, you know. With a houseful of four gals, toilet paper is NOT one of the items you can just do without. Or so we learned. "Roughing it" can only last so long. Now, in case you happened to disregard my warning, Ma-In-Law, I shall now calm your nerves with a picture of the beautiful rose bush you bought me a few years back. She's in full bloom and absolutely gorgeous. See? I can take care of some things alright. Toilet paper just so happens to not be my forte lately. Don't be too disappointed in me. I shall stock the closet galore before your next visit. Promise.

I decided that I just may do a blind study all by myself. To answer the age old question: How much coffee is too much? I do believe there is no surgeon general's warning on any package of the delicious beans. I'm presently contemplating overdosing on the stuff. My first cup this morning was sloshed all over the carpet, compliments of my littlest girl. I kept all my negative comments inside my head that were threatening to leak out while I was wiping it all up. (My house now has a blend of four lovely aromas...sour milk, critter urine, dirty diapers and stale coffee. The sadest part? I don't even care. Well...much, anyway.)

 The upside to all this mess? Well...have a looksee for yourself...

Girlies who run and play and enjoy life. (Don't worry...we don't usually let them run with fire.)

And little boys who drool, dribble and snuggle.

Exhausted? Absolutely. But happy? You betcha.