Awakenings

I've been doing some pretty serious spiritual soul searching lately. Assessing. Re-assessing.
I've grown apathetic in my comfort zone. Yet again. It happens from time to time, actually. My own little circle of me and my happenings causing me to lose vision of the world beyond.
I find it easy to grow too comfortable in my own little circle. And I could easily justify it. The demands of a wife, of a mother. A teacher. A cook. Janitor. Nurse and psychologist. There are far too many titles that encompass my daily life to list. And if I really wanted to, I could easily fall prey to self-pity and manipulate my conscience to believe that what I do daily is "enough". The truth of the matter is simply that it is not. And when I open my eyes to see the naked truth for what it is, I feel the Holy Spirit gently tugging at me. Let me further explain.
I took the girls to swim at our local pool today. Our community is small enough that we bump elbows with the same people from time to time. The clerk at the grocery store, the librarian, the bank teller. Some of these people I see more often than my family (outside our immediate home). And yet I'm not aware of most of their first names. Back to the pool. (I appropriately named this blog "Random Ramblings", wouldn't you say?) I packed the necessary things for an hour and a half of swimming for the girls. Towels, swimsuits, shower items. I thought that since I chose not to swim today it would be an excellent time to get some much needed reading done. So I brought a book along, one to prepare me for the upcoming "talk" with my pre-pubescent daughters. Yikes. That's a whole other post for another day. Perhaps another decade, even. I was actually quite excited to have a nice, quiet pause in the day specifically for reading. (While making sure my children didn't drown, of course.) After the girls did their whole "prelude shower to the pool" thing we stepped into the pool area. My eyes caught the lifeguard on duty. And something deep within me told me I was not going to accomplish any book reading today. I just love it when God steps in. He prepares our hearts long before we're aware why, lines up a divine meeting, paves the road and (if we're purposely listening) gently whispers to our spirit, "go for it!" The lifeguard actually came to me and began a conversation. And (ashamedly) for the first time in a long time I was able to see her. Not a lifeguard. Not a young, unwed mom. Not an "un-churched" person. Simply Her.
I find it interesting how quickly we label people. And by "we", I also mean "me". Isn't it odd how quickly we can comfortably pick up a conversation with a stranger when we discover we are of similar faith? How easy it is to be transparent then. And yet oftentimes those that don't appear to share our belief system we remain guarded. Given to idle chit-chat. As though we wouldn't have anything in common. But yet feeling that we're doing our spiritual duty by being kind. And perhaps that's enough. I fear my sub-conscience has been trained to see people in two categories: Churched or Unchurched. As though they're two different worlds that ought not collide. Ouch. This is painfully honest of me to admit.
We talked about every conceivable thing. It's amazing to me the personal things people will share when they connect with other humans. We talked for the entire hour and a half that the girls swam. Amazingly, no children drowned while we were immersed in conversation. And oddly enough, it was like conversing with a long lost friend. Perhaps because I purposely allowed myself to be unguarded. Available. Un-rehearsed and without motive. Stripped of my own agenda an ill-conceived judgementalisms. I felt awoken to something that my spiritual life has had a long, comfortable slumber to.
I am a follower of Christ, however that doesn't make me indestructible. I'm not above being judgemental, prideful, insecure, inconsistent, negative, stubborn and at times downright ugly. There are so many things that I've yet to learn; and much about the mind of Christ that I don't fully understand. There's some retraining in my thought processes that needs to be done. Some more "self" that needs to die off.
Yes, I've been in a comfortable slumber for far too long. Awakening is a good thing.