Ho-Hum...

There has been a holy hush over the Random Ramblings blog for the past week. Have you heard it?
Usually I have so much to say that I have to micro-manage my ramblings. I have to be perfectly honest, though, and say that things have just been "ho-hum" lately. Busy? Yes, extremely. Homeschooling children, cleaning up after them and whipping up dinners on the cuff of the moment, attending to housework and critter-care...yes, things are always busy. In fact, I think that it is often easy to get lost in the monotony. And get into that "ho-hum" state. I like to think of it as my entrance into hibernation. The days are cooler and shorter. The sun turns off shortly after dinnertime, leaving me yawning and feeling as though it's time to crawl into bed. ("If it's dark under the dining table, then it's almost time for bed," I say. Sounds good in theory, doesn't it?) I'm pretty sure that we, like bears, were meant to hibernate for the winter. No land to sow, no crops to grow...must be time to sleep.
I have learned over the years that the "ho-hum" periods come and go, and that they do so for a reason. An important one, actually. They have been times of deep thought, introspection and then application for me. Times that I have been quietly meditating in my heart about something; and during the plateau (otherwise referred to as the "ho-hum") I have the opportunity to put into practice what has been brewing in my heart.
My completely random ho-hums as of late: Reading through the first few books of the New Testament and meditating upon them keeps bringing me back to the same theme. Grace. Not getting what I truly deserve; being protected and sanctified by God. I can't wrap my mind around it, to be perfectly honest with you. Little ol' imperfect me. I have been faithfully attending church my entire thirty-three years of existence, and now I feel as though I'm needing to undo a bit of what "religion" has taught me. This thing of grace has been greatly downplayed, in my opinion. (Perhaps for fear of people feeling gifted with a licence to sin, when in fact it has the opposite effect.) I have read through the Scriptures on grace and even memorized some. But to truly grasp and understand what it all means is simply mind-blowing. As believers, we're often so intent on focusing on what's right and what's wrong that I think we've missed the whole boat. Learning Christ and thus falling in love with Him is what causes us to desire the things of Him. Not just simply following a "to-do" list to become good people. We're all the same in His eyes, and yet we're on shore, condemning other's outward, obvious sins...ready to throw them in the ocean and feed to the sharks while the boat has already left the dock. And we missed it. The opportunity to show love and grace, just as Christ does. The chance to love a brother or sister back into fellowship, rather than to cast them out, thinking ourselves better than them. I'm so guilty myself. In my immature faith, I've been the first one on shore to point the finger and demand a punishment be paid. And all the while felt that I was spiritual in uncovering sin. This is what our churches do. This is what we all do, to some extent, in our hearts. And this is why I remain silent from time to time...I'm humbled. I'm learning and growing. And meditating.
A while back I felt that it was best for me to jump out of the world of Facebook. I couldn't fully and completely express why...I just knew that it was something I needed to do. Now, after some reflection I understand. There's a part of me that needs to become better disciplined in this area of showing grace. It is a re-training of the mind, and with everyone's business open for the world to see on Facebook, I find it far too easy to allow my negative thoughts to entertain my heart. It wasn't Facebook that was in the wrong, it was me. So I chose to ignore that temptation. (Small victory!) Although my flesh does miss knowing what is going on in everyone else's world (you know...like what they're making for dinner, and how many times their kid went poo on the potty today...totally kidding...sort of...), I'm glad for the opportunity to remove something that otherwise might not be in my best interests.
And so now I sit and meditate on this thing called grace. I think about what it means to me, and what it means in my relationships with others. And while I go about my "ho-hum" days, I'm reminded that the ho-hum times are actually quiet times in life; times which I have the opportunity to apply what God has placed upon my heart.