Pass the Bread, Please

My fascination with homemade bread started a few weeks ago while we were on vacation in Canada. My sis-in-law is pretty much the bread guru. The dough whisperer. The bread therapist. She makes the absolute best bread around. The loaves just rise up and out of the pans ever so perfectly, and the way the butter melts into every nook and cranny of the toasted yumminess....it truly is to die for. And I had bread envy.
I have tried the whole homemade bread thing many a time. The mixing and kneading by hand, so on and so on. (Even though the recipes call for six to eight minutes of kneading, I've always given up after about two...maybe that's where I've gone wrong...or at the very least one of the reasons...) My counter tops would be left a sticky, icky mess; dough would be from one end of the kitchen to the other (not to mention all over my shirt, and through each and every groove of my wedding rings); and in the end my loaf would somehow manage to make it to the trash can almost every time. Sometimes cooked, sometimes uncooked. I cringe at the cups of flour that I have wasted on this tedious task. All for the sake of a good loaf of homemade bread.
So, while I was devouring (and all the while envying) my sis-in-law's sacred loaf of carbs, I decided it was time once again to venture into the art of bread making. This time, however, I would get some professional tips. From the pro herself. And now, I'll share the basics of what I have learned in the art of bread making.
#1: Use glass pans instead of metal. According to my bread therapist, it bakes nice and evenly, and the shape and size of the pans works towards the bread-rising process. No one really cares for Teflon flavored bread, anyhow.
#2: This one left me dumbfounded. Don't cover the bread while rising. In all my short thirteen years of homemaking, this thought never even occurred to me. My recipes always called for covering while rising. It completely went against my better judgement, but desperate times called for desperate measures. Besides, she did have a valid point...why would I want to put any pressure on something that was trying to rise? Not only did she make sense, but it actually worked.
#3: Invest in a bread machine. Now, years ago I actually owned one. I detested the thing. The bread rose good and tasted okay, but it always seemed rather dry, and the shape of the loaf was absolutely horrid. A honkin' huge, square loaf of bread doesn't fit easily into bread bags. At least not in once piece. Also, it makes oddly shaped sandwiches. Unless they decide to come out with square shaped bologna. Hence, I gave the machine away. Which I deeply regret now, because I had no idea that theoretically you could have the machine mix the bread, then pull the dough out in time to bake it yourself. Which is what my bread therapist does. It's just pure genius.
So, I invested fifty dollars through Walmart and bought myself the cheapest bread machine available. And had it shipped right into my hot little hands. (Have I mentioned I love online shopping? In my jammies even...it pretty much rocks.) I broke her in the very night she arrived. (Yes, all kitchen appliances just so happen to be female. In case you were wondering.) She whirred and hummed on my kitchen counter top while a doughy aroma filled the air. I had high hopes of the yummy goodness she was mixing up for me. She even beeped to me when it was my turn to take over. And rise, did my bread ever rise. I was so proud of myself. Which I shouldn't have been, because my bread machine basically did all the work. I drooled slightly when it was ready to toss in the oven, it looked so good. But that's when it all went wrong. When I went to retrieve it eighteen minutes later, the top had decided to cave in on me. Just when I thought I was in close competition with sis-in-law...it was all over. She is still the reigning bread guru. Of course, I consulted with her regarding the flop. And I think we have the problem solved. I'll know for sure when I attempt my next loaf.
Today I am working on a batch of dinner rolls that were thrown together via my lovely machine. They are presently rising in my warm oven. And are my buns ever huge. (Still talking about bread here, folks.) I am determined, though, to make a decent loaf of bread by Christmas. That's my end goal. My family might have to eat a whole lot of bread during the process...'cause Mamma's got a brand new toy.
Oh, and Darla - you're my bread hero. In case I've never told you.