The Heart of a Christian

I stumbled upon a post last week that both caught my eye and captured my heart. 
I don't recall the exact wording, but it was one of those memes that reads, "I'm not ashamed to be a  Christian", with an exhortation to pass it along if it's your truth. Sort of a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker, but with a modern social media twist. It was interesting to read through different people's comments and stories. One response from a friend, however, caught my full attention. I digested it for days. (Quoted with permission...)

"I sometimes hesitate to state that I'm a Christian, not for any subsequent embarrassment, but in order that [other] Christians aren't judged by me or my actions. I have my failures, and if I stumble to the detriment of the faith, I would ache. That being said, I love Jesus and although I don't measure up always and don't shout it out, I would die before denying Him. I AM A CHRISTIAN."

There is so much truth, vulnerability and humility about these words. Some may see these words and be quick to chastise, "Clean up your act, then!" However, I see these words and I can't help but think this is the heart that every believer ought to have: one of humility. No matter how good, how seemingly righteous we may seem...without Christ we're all unworthy. Without humble recognition of His righteousness, all our works are as filthy rags. 

"We are all infected and impure with sin. When we display our righteous deeds, they are nothing but filthy rags. Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall, and all our sins sweep us away like the wind."

Isaiah 64:6

(Thank God for the blood of Jesus that made a way for us, despite our impurities and filth to be seen as pure!) In all our effort, in all our striving for righteousness, I think it's far too easy to forget one critical truth: 

"You, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."
-Isaiah 64:8

I am the clay. He is the potter. We can be so zealous to display our good works that we forget - if there's any goodness to be found in us, it's not of us. It's God through us. As followers of Christ, we're simply a vessel that's either submitted to him, or in defiance of him. Because I am imperfect, I live in flux between the two, whether it be with my actions or hidden deep within my heart. While I can experience growth in this area, there will be no perfecting of it until he comes and makes all things new, including my sin nature. This truth doesn't leave me defeated, however. It causes me to press on, yet keeps me humble in knowing precisely who I am without Him, as well as understanding my potential for failing him. Which is why I strive to remain diligent in seeking him and staying steadfast in his Word. While there's a danger in becoming spiritually lukewarm, the opposite extreme is becoming spiritually overconfident - which we rarely speak of, to the believer's detriment. Overconfidence/pride is and always will be a plight of our human nature. 

Several months back I was reading through the gospel accounts of when Jesus was walking among his disciples. One event that took place was particularly profound to me, towards the end of Jesus' life and ministry. When they were all gathered for the Last Supper, Jesus then explained that one from among them would soon betray him. The Bible says the men became sorrowful and asking, "Is it me? Is is me?" Later on that evening, Jesus further expressed that ALL the disciples would desert him before the night was over, which added to their sorrow. One disciple, Peter, vehemently and confidently denied this by stating, "All might deny you, but certainly not I!" 
And then it happened. That very same night. Precisely how Jesus told him it would. 

"While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came by. When she was Peter warming himself, she looked closely at him. 'You were also with that Nazarene, Jesus,' she said. But he denied it. 'I don't know or understand what you're talking about,' he said, and went out into the entryway. When the servant girl saw him there, she said again to those standing around, 'This fellow is one of them.' And he denied it. After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, 'Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.' He began to call down curses and swore to them, 'I don't know this man you're talking about.' Immediately the rooster crowed twice. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken him: 'Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times.' And be broke down and wept." -Mark 14:66-72

He broke down and wept. Only then did the realization of the price that he would pay for his overconfidence. "All might deny you but certainly not I!" Could he possibly trust his sin nature that much? Paul was walking life alongside the very one who was his Redemption, the very one he deeply loved, yet still his actions betrayed his own words. He broke down and wept. Matthew's account of this event says that not only did he weep, but he wept bitterly. With deep, indescribable agony and sorrow. 

Every time I read that, tears fill my eyes.

Because I have been Peter. 

I have piously proclaimed him with my lips, but denied him with my heart motives. I may have not been ashamed, but I sure have had seasons of overconfident pride. Much of my spiritual journey has been concentrated on wearing and declaring the outward marks of Christianity, often disregarding the inner problems of the heart. Filthy rags. My works are just that, for indeed that's what I display them as: my works. Not his works through me. When I can grasp who I truly am apart from Christ, and who I am only because of Christ, it changes everything. My only confidence should be in Christ - in who he is and what he's done. My flesh may fail at any given moment and betray my words or actions.  He must increase, I must decrease. (John 3:30) 

"I have my failures, and if I stumble to the detriment of the faith, I would ache. That being said, I love Jesus and although I don't measure up always and don't shout it out, I would die before denying Him. I AM A CHRISTIAN." Oh, fellow believer, my heart identifies with this. This is how I want to posture my life. It is the very heart of true Christianity, of the true gospel message - a confessed sinner, saved by grace alone through faith alone, and in Christ alone. Humility demands a power stronger than our own to produce any good fruit. Humility declares to the world, "I don't have all the answers - but I know, love and trust the one who does." 

"Let him who boasts, boast only about the Lord." -II Corinthians 10:17