Fourteen

Jilly-Bean,
Today, my girl, you turned fourteen. (How is that even possible?) I'm amazed as I watch you grow. When I first found out you were hiding deep within my belly, I'll admit...I was worried. Worried that I couldn't quite possibly love another little one as much as I did your bigger sister. Worried that I might not be able to be everything that two little people needed me to be. Turns out I was right...and wrong. When you emerged from my womb, I had no doubts. My heart grew instantly with love enough to go around. But as you grew, I quickly learned that being everything that you and your sister needed me to be required perfection...something in which I've always been terribly lacking. And yet...you've amazed me with the wonderful young woman you're turning out to be.
You were the most imaginative little girl. From early on your formed a passion for play that usually involved unrealistic things. (Do you remember the pink poodles that lived in our backyard that you insisted you went outside to feed?) I LOVED that about you. You always had a story to tell...with great enthusiasm and animation. Talking a mile a minute, you had an unremarkable talent to use such big words...and yet you knew how to use them properly. You picked up on song lyrics from movies way too easy. (Not always a good thing...there were a few children's movies we had to put away for this reason!) Even though you were younger than her, you taught your sister what "play" was really all about.
I've loved how you've always been so content. You've never looked for the "bigger and better", never complained about what you didn't have...you've always been content with the here and now. I could learn a lot from you. When you were little, you were so wrapped up in the present moment, that we would have your coat on, and heading out the front door before you'd even question that we were going somewhere. You were happy and content with wherever you were. You've always had an incredible knack for going with the flow of life. For you, it seems to have come naturally. Which is good, considering life is be full of roller coaster moments.
Another thing I've always cherished about you is your ability to be compassionate. It's a gift that not everyone has. Having such a big heart for animals, you've introduced us to a life lived with smelly, messy, hairy critters. And, your babies. Oh, your baby dolls. You were forever taking care of one or more baby dolls. Dressing and undressing, clothing and changing. Burping, feeding, napping. Who knew all that pretend play would come in so handy when your Mama brought you home twin baby boys? I love how you care for your brothers. Patiently. Calmly. Lovingly. Should God decide to one day give you a family of your own, you will most definitely be a wonderful mother. (To twin girls, right? Your words, you know!) And you are always the first to see things that need to be done around the house...and do it willingly. Especially when things are wildly crazy. (Which...tends to be often in a family as big as ours.)It makes this Mama's heart so glad to watch you learn to take initiative, instead of having the mindset that "someone else will get it". That, my love, will bring you far, far in life.
You are the family peacemaker. From the time you were a little girl, you have always been so willing to comply. Very rarely have I ever struggled in raising you. (Let's keep it that way, okay?) There are so many times that I see with your siblings, you are the first to back away from a confrontation. The first to give up something so that someone else may have. And I fail to tell you....it makes me proud. So proud.
I would love to take credit for all of these beautiful things about you...but in all truth, I can't. Every birthday that goes by, I'm reminded of my shortcomings with you. Time goes by entirely too fast, and while I'm busy dealing with the ones in this family that demand my attention...you're often hanging back and just waiting...because you're the last to complain. This Mama of yours is so imperfect. (You already know.) And as I write this, it brings me to tears to think of the ways that I know I am and have failed you. I'm often impatient. Lacking at showing more affection. At times I'm selfish. Distracted. While I want the absolute best for you, I often feel like I'm not giving my best to you. While I work on these things, I can only hope and pray that God will fill in the gaps that I've so carelessly made.
My Jilly-Willy, you have turned into a beautiful, funny, smart, amazing teenage girl. I can't even tell you just how thankful I am that God gave us you. What an incredible privilege it has been to watch you grow. I love you, sweet girl.
-Mom