Never Enough

Round and round the living room they swirled. Little boys belly laughing loud as their Daddy swooped them off the couch. "One, Two, Free!" they counted down and jumped into his arms. Hubby huffed and puffed until he gave in to his exhaustion. They, however, were not done. After a bout of tears and wailing for more, he appeased them just one last time. The laughter commenced. Up the couch they climbed, and in Daddy's arms they jumped. Over and over. Until yet again he tired. More tears and wailing. While I sat from the chair and watched I couldn't help but giggle. It's never enough. Once, twice, three times more; all night long, even...it would never be enough.
I mulled that statement over inaudibly a few more times...never enough, never enough. How many times have we lived by that mantra? Discontent and disconnected from the very present moment that IS enough. Focused only on what lies ahead of us, or  what we've left behind. We gather our possessions, build bigger houses...but somehow it's still not enough. We meet at our churches weekly, sing our worship songs proudly...but still go home empty. Could it be? Have we missed something?
We're unhappy within our imperfect marriages; married to our imperfect spouses. Our less than perfect children infuriate our less than perfect selves. Our circumstances dictate our moods, leaving us unpredictable and often calloused and cold. We fret over the future, we sorrow from the past. We are consumed with ourselves. Self included. Perhaps we've failed to grasp just one simple action: acceptance. We simply can't accept that our lives don't appear the way we intended. Divorce happens. Unplanned pregnancies occur. Illness strikes. Unexplained infertility is diagnosed. Wealth comes...and quickly disappears. Possessions are lost. Children rebel. And we shake our fists, proclaiming how unfair it all is. How our lives just never seem to be enough.
Life is hard. Messy. Tough. Full of twists and turns that none of us could ever predict. I get that. But. What if? What if our perspective changed? What if our "everything as it is" became enough? If we instead viewed the intricate roads, paths, mountaintops and even valleys of our journey as from the very hand of God? Whom just so happens to be intrinsically good. And fair. And just. Do we really trust Him? IS HE ENOUGH?
I've asked myself this question. Many times. I've asked from the mountaintops, I've questioned it during the valleys. I've failed at letting Him be enough. I've not trusted that the unique challenges that I've faced in the past, face presently, and will continue to face in the future are in fact blessings in disguise. What I considered "bad" was actually His "best". Wrapped in a language that this human flesh cannot translate. Packaged in what I only choose to see as pain, frustration or sorrow. Because sometimes that's all our human eyes are able to see. What we don't see....is that it is enough, these very individual lives we've been allotted. It's just enough to break us, without absolutely and completely ruining us. To mold and shape us. It's just enough blessings to fill us with hope, and just enough sorrow to keep our hearts bent toward longing for Home. He knows the plans that He has for us to prosper us and not to harm us. (Jeremiah 29:11) ARE HIS PLANS NOT ENOUGH? His thoughts are not our thoughts; his ways are not our ways...and they can't be. Because His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, as His ways higher than ours. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
Indeed, they are. In fact, His ways and plans are more than enough. Abundantly so. In all of our questioning, in the midst of our complaining, we've shut God out. We've ceased to believe that He is good. And the opportunity to live life passes us by. We've all been there. We all have minutes, hours, days, months or perhaps years unaccounted for. Time spent in worry, fear, despair, defeat. Time that we cannot recollect. Life is always fleeting. Every moment that we've been graced with refuses to be paused. In every breath we take lies an opportunity. Choosing joy takes practice. Embracing every moment doesn't reside within us naturally. Accepting life as it is and as it comes...it requires the act of turning our will over to God.

"...life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change. "

 -Ann Voskamp

My little boy runs to me, his body damp with sweat from hard play, his eyes furrowed in frustration. I scoop him up and tuck him close. I breathe him in and whisper in his ear, "You're alright." Because he is. As are we. Because even through the hard, the messy, the tough; it's alright. God is still good. Even with the twists and turns that none of us could ever predict, our lives here on this ever-spinning planet are enough. Because HE is enough. His grace is enough. (II Corinthians 12:9)