The Closing of a Chapter...

I've been a blubbering fool all week.
My boys.
They turn "one" this Friday.
BIG milestone in my book. And I'm so blasted sentimental. I can't help it.
I find myself playing the game all week long: "This time last year I was.... "

In the hospital. And large. Discouraged to be away from my family for so long. Excited to meet my babies. Praying they'd stay in long enough to be big and healthy. Resting; knowing full well it was the calm before the storm. Anxious for my body to soon return to being my own. My hands were ever on my tummy. Memorizing each movement in my mind's eye, with the knowledge that it would be the last time I would be blessed with this gift of life within.
The twins' birthday marks the last of the babies. The last of first birthdays. I realize how negative I'm spinning this birthday week. It truly is not. It's a celebration of the past year. But while we celebrate a year with our babes, a part of me mourns the closing of another chapter in the book of our lives. And though our lives are fully complete and content, it's just so...monumental. Celebrating the "firsts" as well as mourning the "lasts". Bittersweet. It honestly has been more sweet than bitter, though. I really liked this last chapter in the book of my life. The chapter where the tests turn up loud and clear: POSITIVE! Glimpsing, through modern technology, the miracle of babies being majestically formed and grown. The morphing and changing of this ever-used body for incubating. The agonizing pain of child birth quickly being replaced by the joy of gazing into brand new eyes. Even the hard parts of this chapter. The twists and the turns.The babies waiting for us to meet someday in heaven. The worrying over each and every new soul soon to be birthed. The long, sleepless nights wondering when the normalcy of life would flip back around again. Although some moments were painful, difficult, and not easily understood...they were necessary. It was a good, good chapter. One I am ever grateful for God to have had written for me. But the baby-days-pages of this book are rapidly being ended. And a new chapter of life is in the writing. It's a bigger chapter. Perhaps one more difficult even. Along with it comes new fears. Am I ready for this one? Although it didn't seem it at the time; getting these five little lives here was the easy part. I truly feel so ill-equipped for the parts that follow.
One day at a time, I remind myself. One moment sometimes. For today, for the moment...I will just enjoy the two, clingy look-a-likes at my feet whom continually beckon for my attention and affections.

Chapters of life are good. They're a blessing when choose them be. A guidepost of sorts. An opportunity to remind ourselves how truly thankful we ought to be. I'm so grateful this week for memories over the past year with our boys. And our girls. Grateful for the five opportunities God's given me to see His amazing handiwork.