Lazy Faith

For the past month (perhaps even longer) my soul has been doing some searching. Deep down inside kind of searching. Craving for more. And although I've felt that yearning, I've deprived myself of that very thing...blaming "busyness" as the culprit. Now that my body is drastically slowing down I'm finding that I am forced to feed that craving. Sure, life is still just as busy; but now it's a conscious choice to focus in on that specific need. In the past I would usually turn to my closet-full of "self-help" books, my topical search books, the books that encourage you to become a better you. I love to be challenged toward growth; to be shown areas that I'm coming up short and need improvement. I have several books that have been inspiring, life changing and riveting in my spiritual walk. There have been a select few that have contributed to truly pivotal moments in my life. But a new thought has been culminating in my mind for several weeks now. A brand-new thought. The most simplest, yet most profound thought. It's time to get back to basics. To strip away all other influences, other mindsets, other interpretations. Let me further explain.
From the time we're born we are influenced. We're churched and schooled as young children with often tainted influences. Even the best Sunday School teacher and first grade science teacher can't help but interject their opinions and theories into the lives of others. As a children's teacher, I'm guilty myself. It's just how we humans operate. And it isn't all negative...it just simply is. The problem lies in the very fact that often in our youth we are so easily swayed away from basic facts and begin to receive opinion as absolute truth. A perfect example lies in almost every basic Bible story taught us as young children. Generations of children have been taught that Adam and Eve ate from an apple which led to their ultimate destruction. But...was it really an apple? And I haven't seen too many manger scenes with more than three wise men...but perhaps there was. Maybe the others just had no gift to bring. Half truths. Not that anyone is going to lose their salvation if they believe these things to be absolute truth...and I'm not trying to nit-pick such little nonsense things. However...it goes without saying how easily swayed we are into thinking something to be absolute truth without even realizing it. I've seen and heard many a preacher or teacher take a small portion of Scripture and apply it to what they want to apply it to. And I don't think they're choosing to be deceitful...I think they feel it to be the honest truth. So many of us sit, listen, read and discuss underneath a blanket of so many variances of opinions and interpretations. And like a fool, I carefully choose which truths I think apply to me and feel are most accurate. When the superior truth is this simple fact: it's not about me and my thoughts and feelings. All that is actually un-truth. (If there is indeed such a word.) Which leads me back to the ultimate question that my soul craves to be answered...just what do I believe? And the Holy Spirit quietly answers back...it's time to get back to basics.
Embarrassing? Yes. Humbling? You betcha. I've allowed opinion and translation to become intermingled with truth. I've not grounded myself enough into Truth, the Word of God. I've become lazy in my faith and let preachers, teachers, authors and other more intellectual people than I form what is truth for me. Let them do all the work and I'll act all smart and take the credit when I think I know the answer. When all I'm really doing is regurgitating back second-hand information that very well could be a half-truth. And I don't want to be guilty of doing so anymore. If I truly don't know an answer to a question I want to be able to ground myself and search. And if I do know I want to be able to be fully confident knowing that it's God's truth and not my own interpretation or opinion.
So, in all my soul-searching and wanderings on this ever-so-deep-topic, the Holy Spirit has laid out one and only one solution. To ground myself better in His Word. Shameful to admit, but I have never read the entire Bible. (Insert gasp here.) Sure, I've studied portions, went to Bible school, read my two-minute devotional like a good little girl should, faithfully attended church, gone to retreats...but I've never fully dug in myself. I mean: All. By. Myself. That's kind of embarrassing to admit. No, that's really embarrassing to admit. If I could, I would have put this last paragraph in really tiny letters, hoping that your eyes would have just skimmed right on by it. But it is the truth and it is what it is. And so, now at the ripe ol' age of thirty-four, I decided now is the time. To dig in. To get serious about what I believe. To put away fluff and ease. To put an end to my lazy faith. My most favorite of authors beckon to me from atop their book shelves...but I have made a conscious choice to put all else on hold. Just until I have grounded myself enough to have proper discernment of truth vs. interpretation. (And let me just insert here that interpretation isn't bad. Interpretation is, after all, wise people deciphering what the Word has to say. It's my relying on everyone else's interpretations to form my own that I struggle with.)
Two weeks ago I chose to challenge myself. To read through (without skimming!) the entire Bible in 90 days. Yes, that's a lot of reading. But it's my one and only goal before these boys are born. (Who knows if I'll have time to even brush my teeth after!) It's not always riveting and exciting...but it's always good. Good to learn and understand better the One who created me...good to know I'm doing the one thing He desires of me; to draw into a deeper, more intimate relationship with Him as I grow to know Him more. And as I do my faith is exercised. Stretched. It is no longer a lazy faith.