Guilty

A totally random though surfaced to the top of my brain this afternoon.

I don't play with my kids enough.

It's true. I'm guilty. Sure, I do about a gazillion and one things for them in a day, but it is quite possible for a stay at home mom to be there, yet not completely. Does that not make much sense? Perhaps what I am trying to express is that as a mom I can find myself too busy with the distractions of the day to day things that need to be accomplished. There's so many things that kids need daily; food, comfort, more food, discipline, permission for this and that, still more food, correction, things in high places, clean clothes, brushed teeth, questions answered, and yet again...more food. (Is it just mine, or do all children eventually eat you out of house and home?) I lose sight sometimes that the one thing they need most is possibly one of the easiest things to give them...me. If I only give them part of me, then I am only being a part time mom. They need all of me. Helpful mom. Teacher mom. Listener mom. Disciplinarian mom. Playful mom. The complete package. The full time mom.

With every new school year that comes I find myself buckling down. Determined to get lessons and schoolwork accomplished. Striving to find that perfect balance of structure vs. flexibility. (Still haven't found it, in case you were wondering. I'll fill you in if I do.) I drape my mind with a whole command and conquer kind of approach. So prepared to make it through my "to do list" of the day. Nothing shall stand in my way. And then I look in the mirror of introspection and discover that I'm not having fun anymore. Not that parenting is always full of joy, fun and lavish, unbridled enthusiasm. (If it is, I'm pretty sure someone took far too many happy pills.) During that self-introspection I have to ask myself one little question. Why? I often find the response to be because I have grown more focused on the tasks at hand rather than taking time to enjoy the simplicity of being a mother. More focused on checking off my to do list, rather than enjoying the blessings that come with motherhood. Things like snuggling close, pillow fights, reading books together, wrestling on the floor.

After dinner this evening my girls wrapped themselves around my legs while I attempted to wash the dishes. I didn't get far before it turned into an all out wrestling match on the living room floor. And a thought occurred to me...this doesn't happen enough. It takes so little to fill a child with complete and utter joy. Often times it seems such a struggle to remember to put aside the heavy weight of responsibilities that come with being a parent , and just truly enjoy my children. For who they are, and the stages they're in.

My mission for this week shall be finding balance. Balance between Task-Oriented Mom and Playful Mom. I do, however, have a feeling this one may take longer than a week. I'd better find it soon, though. I'm pretty sure the next time I blink they'll be too big to be wanting wrestling matches on the living room floor.