As I flipped through the pages, a flood of memories came rushing back. The highs, the lows, and the seemingly in-between. The lessons learned and the struggles along the way.
How quickly time slips through my hands....no matter how firm my grasp.
Life has morphed much since then; one girl off adventuring in another country as she lives out her mission in this season of her life to the Lord; while another girl has also moved on; given to marriage this past summer and beginning her own adventurous journey into life. And while I gratefully watch both stories unfold from a distance, it leads me to realization that my own journey is not yet complete. (Although my journaling of it has seemed to come to an abrupt halt in the past years.)
I've analyzed many times as to why the pages of this season in life have been left void of content - it's seemed overwhelming to sit down and put my thoughts to words every time I've tried. Truth is, in the past several years life have been....challenging. To say the very least. To think of writing of it has seemed insurmountable. While there have been indescribable moments of good, the reality is that dealing with my own struggles, my ever-growing children's struggles as well as my husband's struggles has left me void of energy for anything else. I mistakenly believed that throwing myself into a photography business would help reclaim some sense of order to the uncontrollable emotional chaos that swirled all around me. And while it did help distract from the compiling issues...it also brought about even more complexities.
And I couldn't escape the overwhelming feeling that I was drowning.
Failing. In every way possible.
Life is so, so intricate like that. The journey is so bipolar. Up and down. Unsteady. Unpredictable.
As we were told it would be.
Failing. In every way possible.
Life is so, so intricate like that. The journey is so bipolar. Up and down. Unsteady. Unpredictable.
As we were told it would be.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world
you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
Irony is: spending an entire lifetime seeking fulfillment (through relationships and tangible things), and realizing the answer has been in front of you the whole time. The mind has always known, the heart has always been slow to follow.
I know what truth is. The application thereof is always the struggle.
The goal, the destination of this one life has never, ever been happiness...it's holiness. Only through holiness can happiness be found. Yet we push so hard to make the opposite a reality. My marriage, my children - they have brought me immense joy and fullness through various seasons of life. But it's never been without cost. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that life's joys are a dichotomy of sorts: One of the best decisions I made was to get married - however, one of the hardest things I've discovered is to stay married. One of the best things I've done is had children; one of the hardest things I've done is raise them. (Perhaps all joy comes paired with sorrow.) If one didn't know Christ and have a rooted understanding and conviction of the purpose of life...they would readily walk away from both. It is hard. But God created us to do hard things.
I'm so grateful for each and every struggle. For God's patient yet corrective hand on my life. For his continual breaking of my heart and flesh to redirect me...
I know what truth is. The application thereof is always the struggle.
The goal, the destination of this one life has never, ever been happiness...it's holiness. Only through holiness can happiness be found. Yet we push so hard to make the opposite a reality. My marriage, my children - they have brought me immense joy and fullness through various seasons of life. But it's never been without cost. Over the years I've come to the conclusion that life's joys are a dichotomy of sorts: One of the best decisions I made was to get married - however, one of the hardest things I've discovered is to stay married. One of the best things I've done is had children; one of the hardest things I've done is raise them. (Perhaps all joy comes paired with sorrow.) If one didn't know Christ and have a rooted understanding and conviction of the purpose of life...they would readily walk away from both. It is hard. But God created us to do hard things.
I'm so grateful for each and every struggle. For God's patient yet corrective hand on my life. For his continual breaking of my heart and flesh to redirect me...
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